Monday, March 11, 2013

AP Will Ruin Your Life

College credit while in high school! What could be wrong with that? I've only taken two AP classes-human geography and European history-but I feel obliged to warn you.
1. Any facts you learn will be seared into your mind forever.
Want to know about self determination? Neo-Malthusian theory? The demographic transition? Cottage industry and the putting out system? How to locate a milkshed using the Burgess model?
No. Of course you don't. But I could tell you about all of them.
2. Your ability to enjoy Disney movies will disappear

"Political equality and equal rights with men!
Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!
No more the meek and mild subservients we!
We're fighting for our rights, militantly!"
Me at age six: "Ooh, look. Mrs. Banks is singing and dancing while wearing a pretty sash."
Me at age twelve: "Oh, I get it. She's a suffragette."
Me at age fourteen: "Hey, she's singing and dancing with her servants. They're like equals. That's cool."
Me at age sixteen: (After learning who exactly Mrs. Pankhurst is) "So she's spends a lot of offscreen time marching and going on hunger strikes. Militantly indeed. She's probably going to get arrested and force fed at some point. That's going to have a traumatic effect on Jane, who's going to be at odds with her dad and Michael, and Mary Poppins won't be around to keep the peace anymore..."
Now, Jungle Book. I just barely caught on to this one.
Charles Darwin, anyone?
You will see it's true-oo-oo (Shhobeedeeboo)
Someone like me-ee-ee (scoobeedoobeedooweep)
Can learn to be
Like someone like you!
And don't get me started on Anastasia. Not Disney, but still.
3. Nonexistent social life
This one should be self explanatory
4. The Stigma of Being an Insufferable Know-It-All
So school gets out for the summer and I'm on my way to camp. We drive past our local copper mine.
Me: (paraphrased) "Did you know copper is a bulk reducing industry? That means during the refining process, the copper becomes much smaller than it was originally. The finished product is much smaller. Bulk gaining industries, like the beverage industry-"
Friend: "No. Shut up."
So I shut up and curse the curriculum. Later, we pass a train.
Friend: "Why do they still use trains? We have cars and planes nowadays."
Me: "Do you really want to know? Because I could-"
Friend: "No. Shut up."

5. Crushing disappointment
Many colleges aren't even taking AP credit now. Concurrent enrollment is the way to go.

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha, if you were like me, nothing I learned from A.P. is still in my head. I think. . .