The Children

Here's a comment my friend Britney Johnson shared on facebook:

"Marriage is between a MAN and a WOMAN. It is impossible to have children any other way. I feel bad for all the children out there who aren't getting included in this. It is effecting THEIR lives MOST OF ALL, yet, they get no say. All people care about are ADULT rights, no one even seems to care about the CHILDREN."

Way to go, Britney. Couldn't have said it better myself.


 

SBO President Fights Back

I don't know about your school, but at mine, the student body officers have no power. Their primary function is making posters and organizing assemblies. They're more of a pep squad than anything. But at Horace Greeley High School in New York, one student council president is tired of being a puppet. When the administration decided to cancel the Greeley Games-a sort of field day/school spirit war-he responded with this open letter. Any formatting errors are my own.

     Who Took My Greeley?

     I was very disappointed to hear yesterday that the Greeley Games event that I proposed is not going to happen. Quite frankly, I’m not at all surprised, as this seems to be par for the course these days. It has gotten to the point where every single member of the Student Council is disappointed with the way the administration is trying to dismantle the very things that had made Greeley great for so long.

We have lost our motivation to try to engage the students, generate enthusiasm and a sense of community and make being a Greeley student more than capitulating to the arbitrary decisions of the administration. Why bother working on proposals and trying to innovate when we know the administration is going to say no? It’s funny that we are all so frustrated with our elected officials in Washington, yet the same thing is happening right here. Each time a new idea comes to the floor, we’re getting filibustered, then left to take the blame for not taking action.

It’s really sad to see how significantly Greeley has declined over the past four years, from the exercise in political correctness gone mad re: the funball team name debacle to the arbitrary and ridiculous hoops that need to be jumped through to bring in a speaker, to the fact that a group was told they can’t sell hot chocolate in the morning for charity because it’s “too dangerous.”

I don’t feel as if I’m doing even half the job I ran for as President and the reason for that is the administration. For us, high school is more than just getting into college. It’s supposed to be an experience that matures us not just intellectually, but in other ways too. How can we do that when the only thing we are assured of is the academic aspects—and those aren’t so great anymore either? Eliza Note: Yes! Yes! Yes! He's brought out everything I've ever wanted to say to the administration in those few sentences. This school has become so resistant to positive new ideas that students actually care about and so concerned with the possibility of political incorrectness that nothing even has a chance. For example, how do we know that the event I proposed would have an attendance problem if it’s never happened before?

     When I sat down with Mr. Rhodes and Mr. Corsilia in the beginning of the school year, I saw the potential to reignite at least some of the fire that I know Greeley used to have. I now know how wrong I was in thinking that. I know that interest in participating in Student Council is in rapid decline and I wouldn’t be surprised if next year’s group has trouble filling all of the positions, another sign that the administration is failing to provide space for a meaningful high school experience.

     People simply don’t want to deal with working hard and formulating new ideas only to be shot down. You are denying leadership opportunities to the next generation of leaders by rendering those who do want to lead utterly ineffective. It has become simply not worth my time, either, to think of fun, creative ways to bring the school community together when I know that there is no chance of any of our ideas actually coming to fruition. I’m tired of being asked, “When are we going to have a school wide event?” or “When is something fun going to happen?” and not having an answer. Eliza note: Especially because that's all they do. From this day forward, I am going to tell anyone who asks that the administration won’t let it happen. I don’t want the students who elected me to think I don’t care and haven’t been trying mightily to bring this school back to its former greatness.

     I am deeply disappointed in the administration for not recognizing that the Greeley we all love is slipping away because they are afraid of innovation and trying something new. The other members of the Student Council feel the same way and share my disappointment in their decisions. I’ve spoken to many former Greeley students recently, some who graduated last year, some who graduated ten years ago, and to some who were Student Council members themselves.  They are amazed that the Greeley they knew and loved bears no resemblance to the one I am graduating from in just a few months.

This school has gone from a place of which I was proud to be President to a place that I can’t wait to leave. If it is your long-term plan to oversee a community of grade-obsessed, one dimensional, disinterested students then continue to do what you are doing. If you want a vibrant, engaged community of students who participate in their education more fully, then you need to reexamine how you interact with us. Less police state and PC paranoia and more positivity would help. Just today, I heard of two new issues that are all of a sudden problems in the eyes of the administration. I’ve been told that the beloved Greeley a capella groups have to meet with you because the fact that they rehearse off-campus is a problem. Why? Why do they have to change how they operate if they are successful as they are now? Isn’t this discouraging the independence that you encourage us to develop throughout high school? Eliza note: Independence? Why would they want that? And now you want to change the traditional trip to Jones Beach for seniors? You have already dismantled quite a few senior traditions. Can you leave just one alone?

     I feel compelled to write this as the elected representative of the student body, a position that I will continue to take very seriously until my term is up. I will continue to plan the events that are already on the calendar and I will continue to fulfill my responsibility of addressing the school at the coming assemblies and ultimately graduation, but I promise nothing more.

     The next time you need someone to represent Greeley, whether it be to a group of students from another country or one new student who will be joining this so-called community next year, find someone else. I don’t feel as though I can lend my time to your causes, if mine are not taken seriously. To summarize, we’ve all had enough of the arbitrary decisions. The Theatre Company just put on a play about sex (and a very good one might I add) without being questioned, and yet a song for the a capella concert was questioned because it included the word “bullet” and referenced guns. Can you explain that inconsistency? I can’t.

I wish you an uneventful rest of the school year. 

Sincerely,

Tim Bloom

Student Council President 2012-2013


I have one thing to say to this: Ha! 
Brilliant.Way to do your job, Mr. Bloom. 

AP Will Ruin Your Life

College credit while in high school! What could be wrong with that? I've only taken two AP classes-human geography and European history-but I feel obliged to warn you.
1. Any facts you learn will be seared into your mind forever.
Want to know about self determination? Neo-Malthusian theory? The demographic transition? Cottage industry and the putting out system? How to locate a milkshed using the Burgess model?
No. Of course you don't. But I could tell you about all of them.
2. Your ability to enjoy Disney movies will disappear

"Political equality and equal rights with men!
Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!
No more the meek and mild subservients we!
We're fighting for our rights, militantly!"
Me at age six: "Ooh, look. Mrs. Banks is singing and dancing while wearing a pretty sash."
Me at age twelve: "Oh, I get it. She's a suffragette."
Me at age fourteen: "Hey, she's singing and dancing with her servants. They're like equals. That's cool."
Me at age sixteen: (After learning who exactly Mrs. Pankhurst is) "So she's spends a lot of offscreen time marching and going on hunger strikes. Militantly indeed. She's probably going to get arrested and force fed at some point. That's going to have a traumatic effect on Jane, who's going to be at odds with her dad and Michael, and Mary Poppins won't be around to keep the peace anymore..."
Now, Jungle Book. I just barely caught on to this one.

Charles Darwin, anyone?

You will see it's true-oo-oo (Shhobeedeeboo)
Someone like me-ee-ee (scoobeedoobeedooweep)
Can learn to be
Like someone like you!
And don't get me started on Anastasia. Not Disney, but still.
3. Nonexistent social life
This one should be self explanatory
4. The Stigma of Being an Insufferable Know-It-All
So school gets out for the summer and I'm on my way to camp. We drive past our local copper mine.
Me: (paraphrased) "Did you know copper is a bulk reducing industry? That means during the refining process, the copper becomes much smaller than it was originally. The finished product is much smaller. Bulk gaining industries, like the beverage industry-"
Friend: "No. Shut up."
So I shut up and curse the curriculum. Later, we pass a train.
Friend: "Why do they still use trains? We have cars and planes nowadays."
Me: "Do you really want to know? Because I could-"
Friend: "No. Shut up."

5. Crushing disappointment
Many colleges aren't even taking AP credit now. Concurrent enrollment is the way to go.

Research Fail

I've seen some pretty skewered statistics. 1 out of 3 American teenagers are obese. 25% of us can't locate our country on a map. The average teenager spends 30 hours a week watching TV.
And then I see this.

It's called proofreading. It works. 

The Original iPod Stroller

One day in first grade, I was walking home from the bus stop when I saw a kindergartener with a portable CD player. A kindergartener. Carrying what was supposed to be a big kid toy.
I was born in 1996. I didn't use the Internet until I was seven. I got my first iPod at ten and phone at fifteen. Aside from the phone, I never felt technologically deprived.
Now it's 2013. My nine year old brother had a 'game day' at school. Five kids brought iPads. Seven more had mini tablets. And my brother had I board game.
Sometimes I go to Target and see mothers entertaining their children with Angry Birds as they push them around in shopping carts. These infants know how to work an iPhone before their first birthday. And there are the kids who actually own iPods at the age of five. 

And you wonder why your kid knows more about technology than you do.

I like technology. Otherwise I'd be scribbling these thoughts to myself on notebook paper. But sometimes I feel like it's moving too fast. I mean, do we really need specialized iPhone holders? For babies? Exactly how many of those have been sold? You could probably buy the case, leave it empty, and your kid would have just as much fun.
Then I found this.

The year is 1921. The thing attached to the stroller is a radio antenna. As for the things inside the stroller...I'm not entirely sure those are humans. Maybe the woman just likes to read in front of her house while her dolls listen to music.
But the stroller can be used with real babies. And a radio is the 1921 equivalent of an iPod. So the changes that have been bothering me? Not exactly new.
A lot of things change.

A lot of things don't.

Invisible Underlings

Every year our school holds a Spirit Bowl. And every year the seniors win. Every. Single. Year. Naturally people started to suspect something was up, so at this year's assembly the SBOs specifically announced that "It's not rigged."
But nobody told the seniors. In the hallway by the auditorium is a huge black poster reading 'Seniors: The Odds Are In Our Favor.'
Yep, Hunger Games theme. The teachers are the Capitol and each grade gets the district corresponding to their number. So the seniors are District 12, everybody's favorite underdogs, juniors get eleven, home of Rue and Thresh. And the sophomores are left with ten, home of...uh...

Cows.
But I'm not going to complain about the numbers, it's just bad luck. What really bugged me is the mock Reaping they had on Tuesday. Everybody who dressed up nicely that day got a single point for their District. Then they got to put a paper with their name and grade in a bowl and got a piece of candy in return. If your name gets pulled, your district looses fifteen points. It's a gamble, but hey, free candy.
When they read off the names, more than half were sophomores, with seniors having the least. Two days later, we had the actual event.
Guess who won.
Guess who came in last.
In school plays, seniors will get all the leads, while sophomores with just as much experience are demoted to the ensemble. You'll never see a sophomore presiding over a club as an officer.
I know the playing field's not level. Everybody does. But could they at least acknowledge that it isn't?

IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!

I've always liked Roald Dahl. Like any self respecting third grader, I read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, though I have to say Matilda was my favorite. Matilda is about an unappreciated genius born into a family of television addicts. Much like Mike Teavee in Chocolate Factory. According to the Roald Dahl wiki, Mike is a "violence-obsessed, anger fueled television fanatic, who is seldom away from his television set." Dahl apparently had a thing against TV. When they adapted his novel "The Witches" into a motion picture, he stood outside the cinema with a megaphone, warning people not to see it. Which makes sense, because they completely screwed up the story.
A few months ago, I was browsing on poemhunter.com and found this little piece entitled simply 'Television'. This is where Dahl sums up his feelings about the ghastly machine, just in case we didn't get the message before.

The most important thing we've learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set --
Or better still, just don't install 
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we've been,
We've watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.

(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)
They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they're hypnotised by it,
Until they're absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.
Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don't climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink --
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!

'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,
'But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!'
We'll answer this by asking you,
'What used the darling ones to do?
'How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?'
Have you forgotten? Don't you know?
We'll say it very loud and slow:
THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,

AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!

And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
 
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it's Penelope.)
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,

And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-

Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.
And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did. 

 I cherish and admire Mr. Dahl, but I can't agree with him. Opinions like his were common in recent decades.  They still are, though most moral guardians have gotten bored with the crusade against television. And they grew up watching it themselves. So they've switched to preaching the evils of the Internet. Which makes me wonder. What atrocious forms of media will I be shooing my children from in 2033? Hmm...I've never been fond of video games...but they'll probably be offering gaming scholarships by then.
I like TV. I like books. My all time favorite show is Nelvana's Redwall cartoon. Especially season three, which contains many things Dahl would've approved of. Pirates, ships, cannibals, smugglers, gypsies, queens-no whales, but the characters are nearly eaten by a large fish once. I never would've discovered the Brian Jacques books without the show.

 
So maybe they do some good after all.